Perhaps it was the fact that it was almost impossible to say no to someone with that kind of full visual charge because you couldn’t help feeling they were the ones who should be saying no to you.

Neglect your children and they will be obsessed with you for life – I read that once – but what about when they neglected you?

Read every day – it is a practice that dignifies humans. Become a great reader of books and it will help you with reality, you’ll more easily grasp the truth of things and that will set you up for life. And don’t expose your brain to low-quality art forms because there will be a certain measure of pollution.

Hone your focus. Don’t bother with cleaning or tidiness beyond basic hygiene. Don’t make your appearance your primary concern. It will zap all your creativity. Be as self-sufficient as you dare. Sometimes you hold more strength when people don’t know what you think or feel, so be very careful whom you confide in. People can run with your

The pain of cohabiting with someone who despised you, who thought you quite a few rungs lower than human. Bracing, that. A particular species of domestic violence.

She had such a sense of occasion.

There is so much in life that doesn’t matter, so many things that hold you back, hem you in and throw you off the scent of what’s important. Don’t get too bogged down in things that don’t count or things you cannot influence, and specifically don’t worry too much about making sure others know you’re in the right, because it so easily gets in the

People don’t stop living just because they are dead, not entirely. You still need to love them, worry about them, console them, cheer them, humour them. Tell them when they’re wrong. If Eleanor died – I understood prayers for the dead more than anything else religion offered.

How had I not realised reading was a way of shutting your eyes to reality, of shrinking things and hiding?