Looking for Alice

Jacob Falkovich says that single people often seek out similarity when complementarity is what makes relationships cohere long-term. It’s a great observation. But how to operationalize it? Maybe: look for someone you can’t initially understand, but also don’t feel like walking away from.

The type of person I’m assuming we’re looking for here is 1) someone that you will find fascinating to talk to after you’ve talked for 20,000 hours, 2) you feel comfortable with them talking through the hardest and most painful decisions you will face in your life, and 3) the conversation is wildly generative for both of you, in that it brings you ... See more

On Finding Your People: I’m told I have an unusual talent for finding wonderful people. Below is my strategy for having a rich social life in any large city Disclaimer: This will require you acting in a way that is not normal. You may need to decide whether you want to be normal yet lonely or unusual yet connected 0. Treat it as a second job. For... See more