limerance (amigeist - a new extreme love phenomenon)

The remaining seven characteristics were then analyzed and sorted by most impactful. Findings of the distinguishable limerence characteristics appeared with the following frequency counts in the records of extreme love experiences. Women were much more likely than men to show evidence of limerence qualities:

1. Idealized beloved (6, 24%; 4F, 2M) was defined by Tennov (1979) as venerating the beloved. Example statements from this study included Amanda’s statement: “Nothing else seemed as important as I'd thought it was before, in comparison, not my job, my family, my previous plans, nothing. He became the most important thing in my life.”

2. Unrequited love (6, 24%; 5F, 1M) was defined as experiencing barriers to being together and challenges to securing a trusting bond (Tennov, 1979). Examples in this study included those who reported infidelity and dishonesty as obstacles. Michelle stated, “I can’t let go of him and he’s married.” Samantha, who recently lost her extreme beloved, said “I fell in love with Tom. I can’t say he fell in love with me.”

3. Inescapable (2F, 8%), defined by Tennov (1979) as an unavoidable state of mind, refers to the compulsive mental fantasy in limerence, usually regarding reciprocation from the beloved. Janet described her fantasy of impressing her beloved, “I wanted his VIP approval. I found myself wanting to impress him.”

4. Intrusive thoughts (2F, 8%) was understood as mental preoccupation, “a condition of cognitive obsession” (Tennov, 1979, p. 33), inspired by the love object. Janet said: “My thoughts went to him. Toward the end, I did feel out of control.”

5. Fear of rejection (2F, 8%) were feelings of heightened anxiety that the limerent object would not reciprocate and would reject them, some with physiological indicators, such as heart palpitations, trembling, and general weakness (Tennov, 1979). Heather, who began her extreme lover experience communicating via audio cassette tapes, said, “I was very insecure about my physical desirability and, somewhat insecure about my personality.” However, her fears subsided once she met her extreme beloved in person and received validation of her attractiveness.

6. Obsessive thoughts (1F, 4%) was defined as an uncontrollable thought process where all events, associations, and stimuli return one’s thoughts to the limerent object (Tennov, 1979). According to Lisa, who was awestruck with her extreme beloved upon first sight, “I couldn’t stop thinking about him.” Lisa’s extreme beloved, a chef at her place of employment, persistently pursued her by making gourmet meals and special little desserts only for her. Dissimilar to the uncertainty in limerence, Lisa had no doubt in her mind her extreme beloved wanted her.

7. Involuntary was defined as an unintentional thought process focused almost entirely on the fantasy of reciprocation from the limerent object (Tennov, 1979). Only Janet reported this mental compulsion of fantasying about reciprocity from the executive she fell in love with at work.

The Agony of Eros: On Limerence - By Ava - Bookbear Express

Living With Limerence