Studies from various fields (medicine, psychology, law) have shown that people tend to see what they expect to see when they look at people and situations. We look for and hear in others what we are expecting to see and hear. This causes some real trouble in the area of communication. We seldom perceive what is really going on, unless we are

are in the wrong place mentally when it comes to their marriages. We think marriage is the place where we are promised happiness and love, not the place where we learn to love each other and face the ugliest parts about ourselves.

Make friends with conflict. Through conflict we discover that not everyone thinks like us, not everyone has the same perspective we have, and not everyone feels the same emotional and spiritual needs we feel. The real danger of conflict is ignoring it, or just hoping it will go away on its own. The Scriptures warn about this. Paul writes, “Do not

MEN want sex; women want love. In order for sexual desire to ignite within a woman for her man, he must make her feel loved, adored, and significant. In order for a man to feel sexual desire dawning in him for his woman, she just needs to show up.

we need to watch ourselves so we do not succumb to the temptation to jump on our spouse in a judging or criticizing fashion. He says we need to be “gentle” in the process. If you feel angry or restless (antigentle emotions) and you want to deal with the issue immediately, be watchful—you can hurt more easily than help if you are in an emotional

When you are willing to understand each other, new vision and hope will emerge. You will immediately become energized to work on your marriage, even if it is rife with trouble. Here

Research supports the idea that it is not beneficial to share all of one’s negative feelings.8 One of a couple’s communication goals should be to reduce the negative statements they make to each other. Researchers in social psychology have shown that making positive verbal statements—even when you do not totally agree with your own statement—helps

It’s not that men are shallow. Men have depth, but we don’t give hints as to what’s going on inside our hearts. A man’s emotional depth requires some direct excavation—flat-out interrogation,

I believe everyone can have a happy and successful marriage. But you can’t secure a happy marriage if you’re willing to discard an unhappy one.