John Dies at the End

He gathered all of his concentration and went about rolling the one, perfect cigarette that could save our universe. He spread the

undoubtedly

Slow, deep breaths. I stood upright, let the steam rise past my eyes, my soul making a run for it. Knees felt like Jell-O. I lay back against the door frame of the shed, then felt it sliding against my back. My ass was cold suddenly. Snow soaking in. I was surprised to see I was sitting, legs splayed out in front of me, no strength to stand. You gu

It was getting darker, blackness eating up the landscape around me, a power outage during a lunar eclipse.

A stuffed and mounted badgerconda (a cross between a badger and an anaconda); A large Mason jar filled with

“it’s not working” when, with a wet, tearing KERRRAAAAACTCH sound, Molly exploded like a meat piñata at a

much adrenaline, too many nasty dreams waiting for me behind my eyelids.

until Danny Wexler opened his mouth: “I’m Danny Wexler and this is Channel Five sports! The [Undisclosed] football team has been raped in the ass by fate once again, booted from the first round of the playoffs as they failed to carry their inflatable turd past a chalk line in the grass as often as their opponents did. Here’s Hornets quarterback Mik

I didn’t answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids.