It Never Ends: A Memoir with Nice Memories!

DJ Khaled called The Keys. I never picked up the book but I’m assuming it consists of pages written by other authors with an occasional “DEEEEEE JAYYYYY KHALED” typed at the start of every chapter. This was the moment that I knew I had literally nothing to lose. If that buffoon could write a book, I could write a book. It was time for me to tell my

My grades were horrible and I was pretty much invisible to everyone except a few like-minded dorks whose purpose was to make fun of everyone whose social status outranked us, which was pretty much everybody.

It was here that I learned the value of tipping: If you dropped a dollar in the tip cup while placing your order you would be rewarded with a huge plate of the greatest pickles on earth.

My goal is that upon finishing this book you will have no choice but to rise from your seat and slow clap while looking at the cover, muttering under your breath, “That SOB did it. He really did it!” This is the only reaction I want from every single reader; anything less is a failure. Why would I want such a dynamic reaction? Because it is my stor

I was punching so far above my weight by merely hanging with these guys that I didn’t want to blow it by whining about how if we went to Times Square we could end up on the wrong end of a dude like Ramrod, the star of the exploitation pay-cable classic Vice Squad.

It’s a difficult meeting but I do it anyway because firing someone over the phone is cowardly.

If you’re from New Jersey, you’re from New Jersey. It’s like a tattoo you didn’t ask for.

“the city” (how every New Jerseyan refers to NYC) to buy wholesale T-shirts in the garment district for their T-shirt store.

The desperate Unabomber-esque screeds that Chuck Lorre slaps on the end of his shows.