Insufficiently complimentary?: Underestimating the positive impact of ...

Participants in three experiments wrote gratitude letters and then predicted how surprised, happy, and awkward recipients would feel. Recipients then reported how receiving an expression of gratitude actually made them feel. Expressers significantly underestimated how surprised recipients would be about why expressers were grateful, overestimated h... See more

I know that almost nobody hears too many sincere compliments. Compliment them to their face. Then, compliment them behind their back. Practice naming pleasant feelings you have about people, as soon as they bubble up, in the moment: “It’s always fun to see you.” Lower the resistance around this to zero.

Compliments are an other-oriented token that don’t demand a response from the person they are directed to. They also don’t usually require the receiver to reveal anything — the compliment affirms that what they chose to reveal has been seen and noted.

I might have approached the librarian with something along the lines of, “I love your dress. I had ... See more