“If you aren’t sure what’s right, try it out on yourself.”

Instead of accusing and interrogating, state the obvious. In the case of the purloined dessert, you can simply say, “I see you ate the cake.” If she protests, don’t call her a liar. Instead, you can accept the feeling behind the protest.

Are you getting the idea that description is more genuine than the old style of praise?

Describe: “I see a jacket on the floor.”

When we give children commands, we’re working against ourselves. Where we had hoped to inspire obedience, we’ve just stirred up rebellion in their little hearts.

Once people made the shift from trying to change the kids to changing their expectations, they found many ways to make life more pleasant for their children and themselves.

“Why did you throw sand when I just told you not to?” What child says, “Hmm, why did I? I guess there’s no good reason. Thanks for pointing that out. It won’t happen again.”

The second tool for engaging cooperation is to substitute a choice for a command. Choice, you ask? What choice?

Give information: “Keyboards are delicate. All they need is a very light touch.”