How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series)

Either way, our intent is to find some way to make the child suffer, or at least feel bad, in the hope that she will be discouraged from repeating her unacceptable behavior.

“But” takes away the gift you’ve just given. It’s like saying, “I hear how you feel and now I am going to explain to you why that feeling is wrong.”

make an inanimate object talk.

Once his feelings were acknowledged his heart was full of generosity. He’d felt sentimental about his grandparents’ loving gift.

We do these things automatically—protect against sad emotions, dismiss what we see as trivial emotions, and discourage angry emotions. We don’t want to reinforce negative feelings. To acknowledge them seems counterintuitive.

Kids might not be developmentally ready to meet our expectations. We

It can make us focus on our weaknesses rather than our strengths.

“Oh, look what you made! Tell me about this.”

did not say “It’s okay, we can fix it, don’t worry.” That’s what I’d normally say, and then he’d scream and throw