How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...And Listen So Kids Will Talk

Statements like these say to the child, “I don’t like what you did, and I expect you to take care of it.” We hope that later on in life, as an adult, when he does something he regrets, he’ll think to himself, “What can I do to make amends—to set things right again?,” rather than “What I just did proves I’m an unworthy person who deserves to be puni... See more

Finally, are most of my moments with my child spent asking her to “do things?” Or am I taking out some time to be alone with her—just to “be together”?

Parents don’t usually give this kind of response, because they fear that by giving a name to the feeling they’ll make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what she is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged her inner experience

Children don’t need to have their feelings agreed with; they need to have them acknowledged

Some children can tell you why they’re frightened, angry, or unhappy. For many, however, the question “Why?” only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation. Very often children don’t know why they feel as they do. At other times they’re reluctant to tell ... See more

When we give children advice or instant solutions, we deprive them of the experience that comes from wrestling with their own problems.

Let us be different in our homes. Let us realize that, along with food, shelter, and clothing, we have another obligation to our children, and that is to affirm their “rightness.” The whole world will tell them what’s wrong with them—loud and often. Our job is to let our children know what’s right about them

I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own