How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

“Boy, that sounds like a rough experience. To be subjected to an attack like that in front of other people, especially after having been under so much pressure, must have been pretty hard to take!”

comes over to you and asks for the finished piece of work. Quickly you try

Alternatives to Punishment 1. Point out a way to be helpful. 2. Express strong disapproval (without attacking character). 3. State your expectations. 4. Show the child how to make amends. 5. Offer a choice. 6. Take action. 7. Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior.

TO HELP WITH FEELINGS 1. Listen with full attention. 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word—“Oh” . . . “Mmm” . . . “I see.” 3. Give their feelings a name. 4. Give them their wishes in fantasy.

we were two separate people, capable of having two different sets of feelings.

pain and give me a chance to talk more about what’s troubling me, and I begin to feel less upset, less confused, more able to cope with my feelings and my problem.

But let someone really listen, let someone acknowledge my inner

Recently I’ve stopped saying, “If you’re good, I’ll . . .” Instead, I say, “Melissa, it would be helpful to me if . . .” And when she does do something helpful, I try to describe it back to her.

Over the next weeks I tried to tune in to what I thought my children might be experiencing, and when I did, my words seemed to follow naturally.