You can be right or you can be happy.

Being right is not the most important takeaway, and is often precisely the obstacle to resolution.

Hit Send Now.

The most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

From the outside, no one knows anything about anyone. No one. Nothing.

When is the last time you and your spouse discussed what it specifically means to be “happy” and how you each define that term? When was the last time you discussed, in specific terms, what a “satisfying” sex life is for each of you? These should be conversations you look forward to! They’re about being happy and about fucking, for fuck’s sake!

To win an argument, regardless of the time, preparation, and passion I’ve invested in it, is much harder when the person receiving it is disinclined to respond favorably—or, worse, bristles at what I’m saying regardless of the merits. I try to aim my message at whoever the hearer thinks they are or aspire to be—or, in pop psychology–speak, the

Most of my professional efforts are spent figuring out what “victory” looks like for my clients. Where does she want to be five, ten, twenty years from now?

When you talk to your partner, who exactly are you talking to? Who you think he is? Who you want him to be? Who she thinks she is? Who she wants to be?