How to Keep Your Cool When Misunderstood By Entire Groups of People

Here are 13 things that every skilled chaos-surfer understands:

1. How something appears to you may not be how it is.


2. What is said or shown may not be all there is.


3. What is true for me may not be true for you.


4. The same words may mean different things to different people.


5. What people say may not be what they mean. Because comms is lossy and language is me

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When someone responds in a way you didn’t expect, ask them, “What did you hear me say?” Most of the time, the other person heard something incorrect. Follow up with “I’m glad I asked; let me try that again.”

Can we patiently and reasonably put our disappointments into words that, more or less, enable others to see our point? Or do we internalize pain, act it out symbolically or discharge it with counterproductive rage? When other people upset us, do we feel we have the right to communicate or must we slam doors and fall silent? When the desired respons... See more

looking stupid takes courage, and sometimes it’s easier to just let things slide. It is striking how many situations I am in where I start asking basic questions, feel guilty for slowing the group down, and it turns out that nobody understood what was going on to begin with