Make understanding your conversation partner’s reasoning your (initial) goal.4

If someone reasons her way to a false moral view, this doesn’t make her a bad person. It just means her reasoning was in error.9

3. Remember the marriage counseling adage, “You can be right or you can be married.”

People find it deeply satisfying when they are heard, and the rewards you can reap by conscientiously and authentically listening are enormous.

“I absolutely do not want to be wrong for one more instant than I have to be. If something is wrong with my reasoning, please let me know.”

It is an unethical abuse of the vulnerability that accompanies doubt to use it in an attempt to sway your partner

Five Advanced Skills for Contentious Conversations How to Rethink Your Conversational Habits #1—KEEP RAPOPORT’S RULES Re-express, list points of agreement, mention what you learned, only then rebut #2—AVOID FACTS Do not bring facts into a conversation #3—SEEK DISCONFIRMATION How could that belief be incorrect? #4—YES, AND… Eliminate the word but fr

The Harvard Negotiation Project noted that there is an effective alternative to introducing blame into conversations. Instead of blame, invite people to collaboratively look for contributions.

Dennett neatly summarizes Rapoport’s Rules in his book Intuition Pumps and Other Tools for Thinking. If your goal is to engage someone successfully, take these steps in this order: 1. Attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.” 2. List any p