Make understanding your conversation partner’s reasoning your (initial) goal.4

“I absolutely do not want to be wrong for one more instant than I have to be. If something is wrong with my reasoning, please let me know.”

Five Advanced Skills for Contentious Conversations How to Rethink Your Conversational Habits #1—KEEP RAPOPORT’S RULES Re-express, list points of agreement, mention what you learned, only then rebut #2—AVOID FACTS Do not bring facts into a conversation #3—SEEK DISCONFIRMATION How could that belief be incorrect? #4—YES, AND… Eliminate the word but

What matters isn’t whether they are correct or incorrect; it’s that their intention is to improve a bad situation, which is a far better motivation than many Democrats assume.41

It is an unethical abuse of the vulnerability that accompanies doubt to use it in an attempt to sway your partner

inmates were helping each other question their epistemology. That is, they were asking each other how they knew what they thought they knew.

There is one time, and one time only, to bring up facts in your conversation: when your partner explicitly makes the request. Even then, double-check. Avoid offering facts unless you’re certain of their accuracy and invite your partner to check them independently. If facts do enter the conversation, model intellectual humility by expressing your

The creation of a “them” linguistically constructs the negotiator and the hostage taker as two people attempting to work together against another party. By creating this perceived alignment, the negotiator is placing him- or herself in a position to convince the hostage taker to surrender.34

If someone reasons her way to a false moral view, this doesn’t make her a bad person. It just means her reasoning was in error.9