How to Disagree

In thoughtful disagreement, your goal is not to convince the other party that you are right—it is to find out which view is true and decide what to do about it. In thoughtful disagreement, both parties are motivated by the genuine fear of missing important perspectives. Exchanges in which you really see what the other person is seeing and they real... See more

How to criticize something you disagree with

Here are social psychologist Anatol Rapoport’s rules for criticizing something:

You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”

You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are ... See more

Use “I” statements. Nobody likes being told what to do or that they’re wrong. Using “I” statements like, “I don’t agree with you and here’s why,” is much more effective than, “That’s a stupid idea.” Presenting an opinion as a fact creates defensiveness while owning our opinion prevents it from being toxic. For example, there’s a big difference betw

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