Of the kids who were inhibited as toddlers, a full 34 percent were capital-S Socially Anxious. Of the uninhibited group, 9 percent were. And while it may seem that even 9 percent is high for the uninhibited group, remember that age thirteen is perhaps the most awkward age of one’s life. A thirteen-year-old is equally overgrown and immature, despera

we can put action before motivation.

I have done all sorts of embarrassing things in the name of social anxiety practice:

This is a big one. We might be worried about our whole personality:

We worry we’ll say the wrong thing, do something awkward, and get roundly, deservedly criticized for it. Therefore, so many of us feel stressed in class, at parties, in groups, at work, with strangers, on social media. We are convinced we are too much of something: too weird, too awkward, too annoying. Or that we are not enough of something else: n

Pretend you’re Beyoncé. —FIFTH-GRADE GIRL AT MY LOCAL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, ENCOURAGING A NERVOUS FRIEND

technology poured gasoline on the fire. Why? Anxiety is rooted in uncertainty, and what’s more uncertain than modern communication?

Social anxiety is changeable. And change on the social anxiety front won’t alter your introverted (or extroverted) personality; indeed, it doesn’t need to. As you continue on, you won’t become less yourself; you’ll just become less anxious.

in first impressions of others we prioritize warmth over anything else, which is defined as—you guessed it—kindness and trustworthiness.