Real frowns. “But she’s the after-school mom and the cook and the cleaner-upper,” he says. “That would be fine if she didn’t work, but not if you’re both working. What I see happening with guys is ‘Don’t mess with me—I need sleep and R&R so I can fight the dragons for my family.’ But she’s fighting the dragons now, too.” In the old days, he goes

Let us not forget the schlepping: a study in the journal Transportation found that women shoulder most of the load in the drearily named “average daily household support travel time” category (the school run, grocery shopping, hauling kids to piano lessons). Women do this an average of eleven minutes more per day than men—even when both spouses are

Cyndi Lauper’s manager: Would I be interested in

Then have what psychologists call an “intentional conversation,” in which you are extremely clear about your need for change and your wishes going forward. “Most men are actually willing to negotiate and compromise, but they expect the woman to be direct,” says Coleman, who cheerfully admits to being a reformed “lazy husband” himself. “Men often do

Instead of attacking each other, he had us attack, together, the polarizing cycle in which we had become trapped.

but I have to say that I am really, really tired of having to ask you to do things.”

women do countless invisible tasks. This is the time-gobbling labor that will likely never show up on any sort of time use study. One is “kin work,” which Smock defines to me as “giving emotional support to relatives, buying presents and sending cards, handling holiday celebrations, things like that.”

There’s a world of difference between assertively standing up for yourself and aggressively putting him down. As crazy at it might seem, arguing or complaining can actually feel safer to most of us than simply and directly making a request. So,

Real leans back. “Good,” he says. “Your job walking out of here is to be more giving—physically, with helping around the house, and emotionally. I want you to open your heart, share more, listen better, cherish more. Verbally cherishing your wife with compliments, for example, is a good thing for her, good for Sylvie to see, and a good thing for