I’ve observed that for some people confidence is more closely associated with doing (and is dependent on their skills and performance), while for others it is related more to their felt security with others. My suspicion is that confidence gets tied up with doing when parents put a lot of emphasis on competence. When children are not shamed for

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Perhaps most importantly, the resilient children had what psychologists call an “internal locus of control”: they believed that they, and not their circumstances, affected their achievements. The resilient children saw themselves as the orchestrators of their own fates.

i often think about this passage i read recently: It only takes one night for your decades-long desire to cross over from your imagination into your memory, which tells you that all of this is at least possible. Maybe knowing that your joy is possible is what finally sets you free. it’s surprisingly accurate. i’ve only really had one decent... See more