Honoring the Self: The Pyschology of Confidence and Respect

It is productive to do this exercise with both parents, and you can also adapt it to an encounter with any important person in your life. You can do the whole exercise in reverse as well, imagining that the other person is dying. When the exercise is done as I have described, with mother, father, or any other important person entering the hospital

High self-esteem seeks the stimulation of demanding goals. To the extent that we doubt the efficacy of our minds, we do not persevere. And we are likely to fail more often than succeed, confirming and reinforcing our negative self-evaluation. Low self-esteem typically seeks the safety of the familiar and undemanding.

Rationality is an attitude of responsibility toward that which exists, acceptance of the facts of reality. At a time when he was world famous, Albert Einstein, it is said, was asked by a reporter, “How do you feel, knowing that so many people are trying to prove you are not right?” Einstein replied, “I have no interest in being right. I am only con

An interesting aside on the Buddhist position is that most Buddhists believe in reincarnation, as do many transpersonal psychologists—in other words, the transmigration of a soul that does not exist in the first place. No one has ever succeeded in explaining how we can reconcile a belief in the unreality of ego or self with a belief in reincarnatio

We do not fully explain the healing effect of the father’s response if we say merely that the boy feels better because he received sympathy. He feels better because his feelings do not remain trapped within him. He is able to assimilate the painful experience and therefore move beyond it; his natural, healthy sense of reality is now able to assert

It is very likely that at the same time the boy is feeling disappointed and depressed, he is resisting the feeling of disappointment and depression; he is tensing his body against it to shut off and deny his emotions. By recognizing what the boy would necessarily feel, by naming it in words, and by communicating benevolent acceptance and respect, t

sometimes people confuse the desire to feel seen, visible, understood, or appreciated with the desire to be “approved of” or “validated.” These are not quite the same thing. The desire to be validated, confirmed, approved of, in our being and behavior, is normal. I call such a desire irrational or pathological only when it gains such ascendancy in

We imagine an encounter with a wise old person in a cave or on top of a mountain or in some other remote place. This wise being knows the answers we desperately need after our long journey. In fantasy we ask questions such as, Who am I that I do not yet know I am? or How am I standing in the way of my own growth? or What do I need to do to let go o

To experience that I am competent to live means that I have confidence in the functioning of my mind. To experience that I am worthy of living means that I have an affirmative attitude toward my right to live and to be happy.