Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children

Whether our parents loved us or whether they didn’t is no longer the question. Now the issue is, Do we love ourselves and do we accept love from everyone who is willing to give it?

Ed: “I felt ashamed because I didn’t feel loved. Now I try to earn your love by anticipating your wants and needs. If you have to ask me to do something, I feel like a failure for not having noticed your need. If you tell me that you love me, I have to figure out something to do to deserve it.” New rule: I accept your love freely. I expect you to a

New rule: I am lovable. I examine my legacy and am doing my healing. I am learning about joy and finding it for myself. Devon: “My

use this book to help you parent your children without shaming them and to help yourself recognize shame and replace it with love and joy.

Loving is a skill that is learned and practiced.

If we received uneven parenting, we decided on other rules that made sense at that time, but those rules may keep love away. They reflect our “giving up on love” or our “longing for love.”

Those of us who were parented in ways that are not supportive to us now can rebuild our own internal structures as we parent our children. We can grow up again at any age. You can use the Structure Chart to help you do that.

Giving someone the gift of unconditional love doesn't mean always agreeing, or accepting any behavior no matter how hurtful, or accepting substandard performance of tasks, or hiding our anger. It does mean being honest, working through differences, negotiating and renegotiating agreements, holding one another accountable, and staying respectful in

Instead of welcoming aid and checking to see if it is freely given, we reject it. We automatically say, “I’m fine, thanks,” or “I’ll be all right,” or “I don’t need any help.” Very serious business! When we throw away nurturing, we filter out the very love we long for, the love that is the foundation of our self-esteem. Some of us decided to cope w

Giving and receiving unconditional love is something we decide to learn and practice.