Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children

to identify options;

Those of us who were parented in ways that are not supportive to us now can rebuild our own internal structures as we parent our children. We can grow up again at any age. You can use the Structure Chart to help you do that.

Great love can both take hold and let go. O. R. ORAGE

If you think of the personality as a body, nurture provides the soft tissue and muscle and structure acts as the skin and bones.

SRC stands for the psychological hunger for stimulation, recognition, and certainty. These three human hungers, present in all of our lives, are so powerful that sometimes they even push aside needs for sleep or food.

Children who feel like orphans are often receptive to helpful structure long before they can accept nurture without being fearful.

Competence and a feeling of well-being or self-esteem are important for both children and parents. We build our self-esteem by recognizing the positive and the negative messages and experiences life has offered us, and by making healthy decisions about those offerings. Nurture and structure help us do this. A balance of loving nurture and consisten

These children may be terrified to let anyone give them assertive and supportive care. They don't believe they deserve it. In their minds, opening to love and care means giving power to someone who can hurt them, ignore them, or leave them. They believe they have to be in control. In the most serious cases, opening to love and care means experienci

Successful structure is built from a combination of rules and skills. This section focuses on rules—what kinds there are, how to make them, how to evaluate them, and how to be sure they build self-confidence and competence instead of doubt or shame.