Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children

The stimulation of love and the accompanying recognition are never enough, because we also hunger for the certainty provided by structure.

These children may be terrified to let anyone give them assertive and supportive care. They don't believe they deserve it. In their minds, opening to love and care means giving power to someone who can hurt them, ignore them, or leave them. They believe they have to be in control. In the most serious cases, opening to love and care means experienci

Children need parents to convey the message, You can do this; I will teach you how; you are capable. The parenting skills that support the development of these skills in a child we call structure.

Some parents put their children first in order to play the martyr.

On the other hand, all structure and little nurture often result in stiffness. Nurture encourages us to hear and believe positive structure.

Both assertive care and supportive care are provided willingly with no strings attached. However, they differ in subtle and important ways. Assertive care is a loving response or loving intrusion. Supportive care is an offering, lovingly given.

Parenting children with unsatisfactory attachment backgrounds involves challenging their prior decisions and wearing them down.

use this book to help you parent your children without shaming them and to help yourself recognize shame and replace it with love and joy.

This opportunity to thrive may be the greatest gift parents can give.