Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

So show that you understand them. “Let me see whether I follow what you are telling me. From your point of view, the situation looks like this. . . .” As you repeat what you understood them to have said, phrase it positively from their point of view, making the strength of their case clear.

One way to try to head off this problem is to clarify early in the negotiation that “nothing is agreed until everything is agreed,” so that any effort to reopen one issue automatically reopens all issues.

Speak for a purpose. Sometimes the problem is not too little communication, but too much. When anger and misperception are high, some thoughts are best left unsaid. At other times, full disclosure of how flexible you are may make it harder to reach agreement rather than easier. If you let me know that you would be willing to sell your car for $15,0

People generally assume that differences between two parties create the problem. Yet differences can also lead to a solution.

you pay attention and interrupt occasionally to say, “Did I understand correctly that you are saying that . . . ?” the other side will realize that they are not just killing time, not just going through a routine.

difficult conversations involving emotions or relationship issues are best pursued face-to-face, if at all possible, and definitely not by email or text. If a phone call is the only option, consider using a Webcam and an Internet service to make it a video call.

the first impediment to creative thinking is premature criticism, the second is premature closure.

“But,” sometimes called the “great eraser,” has a tendency to negate the first thing you say by implying that only one of two statements can be true, making it either/or. “And” underscores the more complex reality that both thoughts can be true at the same time.

Seek out and discuss the principles underlying the other side’s positions.