Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

So show that you understand them. “Let me see whether I follow what you are telling me. From your point of view, the situation looks like this. . . .” As you repeat what you understood them to have said, phrase it positively from their point of view, making the strength of their case clear.

Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties. (A wise agreement can be defined as

People: Separate the people from the problem. Interests: Focus on interests, not positions. Options: Invent multiple options looking for mutual gains before deciding what to do. Criteria: Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.

When each party is advancing a different standard, look for an objective basis for deciding between them, such as which standard has been used by the parties in the past or which standard is more widely applied. Just as the substantive issue itself should not be settled on the basis of will, neither should the question of which standard applies.

To invent creative options, then, you will need to (1) separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them; (2) broaden the options on the table rather than look for a single answer; (3) search for mutual gains; and (4) invent ways of making their decisions easy. Each of these steps is discussed below.

avoid demands or locking in. Instead, offer options and ask for criticism. (“What would you think of an agreement along the lines of this draft? I am not sure I could sell it to my people, but it might be in the ballpark. Could something like this work for you? If not, what would be wrong with it?”)

When you are on the phone, and especially when you are using email or texts, make an effort to create some personal connection before diving into substance. Studies show that a little effort up front to schmooze—to learn and share something personal, to evoke an existing relationship or shared identity, or to find a shared connection—helps promote

Good listening can increase your negotiation power by increasing the information you have about the other side’s interests or about possible options. Once you understand the other side’s feelings and concerns, you can begin to address them, to explore areas of agreement and disagreement, and to develop useful ways to proceed in the future. Consider

in most situations you do not have to get anyone’s consent to start using the one-text procedure. Simply prepare a draft and ask for criticism. Again, you can change the game simply by starting to play the new one. Even if the other side is not willing to talk to you directly (or vice versa), a third party can take a draft around.