Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition

Instead, you will begin to see that you are partners suffering from past hurts and also partners in the project of helping each other create safety in your relationship and respond to each other’s needs. This way, you both can experience the sensations of feeling fully alive and joyful connecting. You are allies on this journey, not competitors. Yo

compelling need to heal old childhood wounds.

to experience with the partner the same sensations they experienced with their caretakers.

competition for equality, and that becomes the problem.

site of most of your cognitive functions. We will refer to the cerebral cortex as the new brain

You must move from self-care to caring for this Space Between.

There is a concept informally called woundology, where couples spend too much time dwelling on the past, which should be avoided. Nonetheless, spending some time sharing your childhood experiences is vital because it gives you a better understanding of your partner’s inner reality and helps you shift from judgment to curiosity and empathy.

When we fall in love, this unconscious, trapped in the eternal now and having only a dim awareness of the outside world, is trying to re-create the environment of childhood.

prefrontal cortex of the new brain is the part of you that is conscious, alert, and in contact with your daily surroundings.