how couples talk to each other, not what they talk about,

When we fall in love, this unconscious, trapped in the eternal now and having only a dim awareness of the outside world, is trying to re-create the environment of childhood.

Think of your old brain as being hardwired and determining most of your automatic reactions.

We believe that couples fight because they “object to difference.” And they put each other down emotionally, and sometimes physically, because they are unconsciously competitive.

When you and your partner are operating out of your new brain, you can help manage and quell some of the emotional responses coming from your old brain.

prefrontal cortex of the new brain is the part of you that is conscious, alert, and in contact with your daily surroundings.

compete for the emotional resources in the relationship and to be the one that is “right.”

partners flooding each other with all sorts of affirmations on a daily basis, to increase positive connecting.

they assign their partner the task of making it happen!