Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Second Edition

“pick imago matches, project them, or provoke them.”

LET’S TAKE A

that being a responsible sender is just as important as being a good listener.

On an unconscious level, accepting love from your partner feels too dangerous because it contradicts a parent’s view that you are

Going against a parent’s edicts can trigger the fear of abandonment and death. To your old brain, it’s far safer to turn away your partner’s love than to trigger a parent’s rage.

Through this simple process of defining their needs, understanding how they are connected with the past, and then converting them into small, positive requests, they had turned their relationship into a self-sustaining vehicle for personal growth.

of firm boundaries will be a recurring problem in marriage.

she might be able to gain some valuable information about her own childhood wounds. She could do this by following a simple procedure. First, she could write her criticism of her partner on a piece of paper: “You are always so disorganized!” Then she could answer the following questions: How do I feel when my partner acts this way?

For some reason, we enter marriage with the expectation that our partners will magically restore this feeling of wholeness. It is as if they