MOODS: If your time together often focuses on complaining or venting, ask her what she’s enjoying in her life these days. If the time together is always polite and cheerful, consider sharing an area that’s causing stress in your life.

“generalized reciprocity”: when we offer something to another without expecting anything in return from that person—confident instead that someone else will return the favor down the road.

“What percentage of the airspace did I take up this evening? Was it in ratio with the number of people connecting?”

It takes incredible courage to tell our friends they are right, they are loved, they are seen, they are good, they are safe, and they are strong. It takes courage because it can be scary to shine a spotlight on others if we feel something lacking in our own lives

remind us that there is an us—not just a you and a me.

“The 5 Types of Friends” in The Frientimacy Workbook

“I want to follow up on the conversation we had last week to see if I hurt your feelings when I was processing my feelings about extroverts.”

“Sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure.”

This means we’ve already processed that story with safe people in our lives (not using this audience as our therapy session!) and so can let go of any expectations of safety, validation, or reciprocity.