Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness

“Sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure.”

Our goal then is to have a relationship where the positivity outweighs the negativity. That tipping point, according to John Gottman, is 5:1.

CONNECTORS are the bridge-builders who help you get what you want.

“Wait, that was a huge thing you just accomplished; are you taking it in and really feeling it? Because you deserve it!”

This means we’ve already processed that story with safe people in our lives (not using this audience as our therapy session!) and so can let go of any expectations of safety, validation, or reciprocity.

quash that fear immediately by validating, empathizing, and appreciating—and praising her for her courage in sharing.

In the EMPTINESS stage it feels worse before it gets better, as we are forced to shed whatever distortions (bias, defensiveness, fear, prejudice, need for power and control) are preventing real communication in the relationship.

One of the most undervalued acts of vulnerability is supporting each other’s success in this world.

COLLABORATORS are friends with similar interests