Forbidden Notebook

If I hadn’t written it, I would have forgotten about it. We’re always inclined to forget what we’ve said or done in the past, partly in order not to have the tremendous obligation to remain faithful to it. Otherwise, it seems to me, we would all discover that we’re full of mistakes and, above all, contradictions, between what we intended to do and

“You’re pale, mamma,” said Michele. “You’re too tired, you work too much. I’ll get you a cognac.” I jumped up, refusing. He insisted. “Thanks,” I said. “I don’t want to drink anything, it’s passed. You’re right, maybe I was a little tired, but now I’m fine.” I smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “Always the same, you recover immediately,” Michele

Forbidden Notebook could also be read as a book of encouragement: encouragement to dig deeply, in the Ferrantian sense, into one’s self and one’s relations with other people. It’s not an easy process—starting with finding the time and the space, the privacy to do it—and Valeria is constantly vowing to stop: to stop writing and get rid of the diary,

Later It’s two in the morning. I got up to write: I can’t sleep. Yet again it’s the fault of this notebook. Before, I’d immediately forget what happened at home; now, instead, since I began to write down daily events, I hold on to them in my memory and try to understand why they occurred. If it’s true that the hidden presence of this notebook gives

But maybe it’s hard to maintain friendships for a lifetime no matter what. In reality, at a certain moment, each of us changes, becomes different, some go forward, others remain fixed, and thus we move in opposite directions, so there’s no longer a meeting place, no longer anything in common.

This morning I happened to open her closet and I saw a new purse, of pigskin, that must have cost at least ten thousand lire. I didn’t know what to do. I would have liked to speak to Michele about it, but he had already left, and then I considered that, if I speak to him or Riccardo, this attitude of Mirella’s, which perhaps is only temporary, once

Luckily, Mirella had gone out with her friend Giovanna, or she wouldn’t have hidden her irritation, since she gets bored staying home with us. She always says it harshly, without thinking that maybe I, too, am bored staying home with them on holidays or at night, but unlike her, I don’t have the right to say it.

Mirella responded energetically that if she studies so much, it’s because she wants to start work, to be independent, and to leave home as soon as she’s of age: then she’ll be able to keep all her drawers locked without anyone being offended. She added that she keeps her diary in the drawer, so she locks it, and, besides, Riccardo does the same thi

When I was twenty, Michele and the children already existed, even before I met him and they were born. They were my fate, even more than my calling. I had only to trust, to obey. If I think about it, that seems to me the cause of Mirella’s restlessness: the possibility of not obeying. That’s what has changed everything, between fathers and children