Human beings are social animals. We cannot find fulfillment solely in the entertainments that increasingly fill up our private lives or in the kinds of production that make up our work lives. We find fulfillment in third places, where we turn together, cultivating friendships, broadening and deepening our own lives and the lives of those around us.

The aftermath of the “fight with fire” method which you suggest is bitterness and chaos; the aftermath of the love method is reconciliation and the creation of the beloved community. Physical force can repress, restrain, coerce, destroy, but it cannot create and organize anything permanent; only love can do that. Yes, love—which means

You never give up on anyone.”28

And this means we need places set aside for hospitality—for play, for gift giving, for music, for laughter, for listening, for storytelling.

The practice of hospitality acknowledges that our direct attempts to help others are frequently clumsy and ineffectual, but there is value in spending time generously with one another that goes beyond our immediate intentions. “Kindness is a way of knowing people beyond our understanding of them.”27

To know someone well is to appreciate the difference between who they really are and who they appear to be. The first step toward that appreciation is the act of hospitality.

there is goodness deep in the heart of many strangers, but you need patience to see it revealed.

The truth is, most incivility arises not out of malice but out of ignorance.

As a society, we tend to overvalue the worth of our contributions and undervalue the worth of our presence.