Square Four is when your dreams are finally coming true, and you have a chance to stop, rest, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. The whole objective of the change cycle is to get to this point as quickly as possible (though, as we’ll see, you can’t do this by skipping the other phases of change) and to stay there as long as you can.

Unlived dreams don’t hurt much as long as they stay frozen. But when they start to thaw—oh, baby. All the pain of that frigid exile comes rushing back. I can tell you from observation, as well as experience, that people don’t cry when they lose their hope. They cry when they get it back.

The vague compilation of folks you call Everybody is what psychologists term “the generalized other.” No matter how deeply your essential self longs to find the real love, the real mission, the real meaning of your life, your social self will not let you embrace these things as long as Everybody disapproves. The social self isn’t opposed to your re

The answer lies in your essential self, which wants what it wants, even if it’s scared. The rule is to follow your desire. If fear and desire give the same instructions, run away. If fear and desire give opposite instructions, feel your fear and stand your ground.

Step 4: Conduct a Full-Body Search Now conduct a slow sensation-sweep of your entire body, moving your attention to each of your other toes, each foot, each ankle, each shin, each knee. Learn what your body is feeling, part by part. Don’t think; just describe

discovering beauty.” Not creating beauty, or reproducing it, but discovering it. That was the first time I realized that an artist’s real contribution isn’t what he paints, but the way he sees.

Star. Aligning your life with your deepest sense of purpose is one of the most important steps in recovery.

A man I’ll call Ned, the CEO of a multimillion-dollar firm, told me once that his success was based almost entirely on waiting until he had all the data before making any decisions in a new situation. Keep this in mind the next time a catalytic event knocks you out of your identity.

I like to use a system popularized by the Japanese car manufacturer Toyota, which developed its extraordinarily high production quality by using a system known as the “Five Whys.”