Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive

Tender self-compassion harnesses the energy of nurturing to alleviate suffering, while fierce self-compassion harnesses the energy of action to alleviate suffering—when these are fully integrated, they manifest as caring force.

People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve their abilities and change aspects of their personality. Those with a fixed mindset consider themselves stuck with whatever abilities their DNA and upbringing gave them, with little chance to alter their inherited fate.

When self-compassion is aimed at motivating ourselves, we embody encouraging, wise vision.

One way to describe what it feels like when we embody tender self-compassion is loving, connected presence,

encouragement allows us to take the journey as far as we’re able to go, even if it doesn’t turn out to be as far as we’d hoped. When I can trust that even if I blow it, I won’t cruelly turn on myself but will instead be supportive, it establishes the sense of safety needed to take risks.

what’s more important than the intensity of the challenge you face in life is how you relate to yourself in the midst of it.

We console ourselves with the idea that at least we have high standards, even if we can’t meet them. We identify with the part of ourselves that knows how we should be, even if we’re not there yet.

The goals of self-esteem and self-compassion are polar opposites. One is about getting it right, the other is about opening our hearts. The second option allows us to be fully human.

When we use fierce self-compassion to motivate ourselves, we experience it as encouraging, wise vision.