Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

However, we don’t seem to realize that we’re doing this, so we feel like victims and tell ourselves that the problem is all the other person’s fault.

Waiting for someone to change is essentially the same as choosing to maintain the status quo.

Gosh, Margot, it sounds like we’ve both been feeling the same way. (IF; DT) You say that you’re disappointed in me because I haven’t supported your decisions. (TE; FE) I feel bad about that and realize that you’ve been carrying the entire burden on your shoulders. (IF; DT; FE) You’re probably feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with me for not helpi

Blame is arguably the most toxic and addictive mind-set of all. It competes fiercely with our desires for love.

Of course, saying “I’m sorry” isn’t always dysfunctional. It’s dysfunctional only if you apologize when you need to listen and acknowledge how the other person is feeling.

you’re always reading malignant motives into what other people say and do.

the best workshop I’ve ever attended. I can’t thank you enough. This experience has changed my life.

There is no such thing as an inherently “good” or “bad” relationship. The quality of any relationship is completely personal and subjective. We all have to judge for ourselves whether our relationships are meeting our needs.

intriguing things about Self-Defeating Beliefs is that although they tend to be unrealistic, they function as self-fulfi lling prophecies, so they appear to be true when they aren’t.