Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

Some of you may have felt like I was grandstanding during the workshop. This is really hard for me to say, but I’ve been struggling with narcissism my entire life. I always feel like I have to be right, and I act like I’m superior to other people. I end up in fights with practically everyone. I market myself as a relationship expert, but I’ve been

We’ve already seen that trying to change someone never works, but accepting him feels like settling for second best.

Ending the Relationship The second option, ending the relationship, is also popular, and there’s no rule that says we’re obligated to try to get along with everyone.

you can maintain the status quo, you can end the relationship, or you can work to make the relationship better.

Notice how Jewell’s fears operate as a self-fulfilling prophecy. She thinks that Rasheed is stubborn and she’s afraid that he won’t do his share, so she hounds him and constantly checks up on him. This irritates him and kills his motivation to help out, so he does nothing. He gets mad, but doesn’t express his feelings. Instead, he punishes her by i

Agreeing in a patronizing way.

methods that the author recommended was called the Broken Record Technique. The idea behind the technique was simple: when you’re arguing with someone who refuses to see your point of view, all you have to do is agree with what he or she is saying in a general sort of way and then repeat yourself, like a broken record. For example, you might say, “

anger can be energizing. It can provide us with a sense of purpose and meaning. Of all the negative emotions— including depression, hopelessness, anxiety, panic, guilt, and feelings of inferiority—anger is by far the hardest to overcome because it makes us feel powerful and self-righteous.

People can be fragile or easily hurt. If the other person gets upset when you express your feelings, back off immediately and switch into the listening mode again using the Disarming Technique, Thought and Feeling Empathy, and Inquiry.