Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry

This is why I like to think of negative feelings as necessary feelings.

Perhaps you’ve been aware that you are doing too much and tried to set limits with others. If they seem disappointed, do you feel guilty or selfish for your assertiveness? If others get upset with you, do you think it’s your fault that they feel this way? Even when others are upset about something you had nothing to do with, with an over-responsibl

No matter how smart you are, no matter how crystal clear your vision, everything is distorted when viewed through the lens of fear.

You will find your expansion practice also features growing pains. These negative feelings come in two forms: 1) uncomfortable fight-or-flight sensations like a racing heart rate, sweaty palms, or nervous stomach, and 2) painful emotions like anxiety, frustration, and sadness. Both of these types of feelings are the monkey mind calling you to actio

What is the worst that might happen? If it comes true, what would it mean about me, my life, and my future?

Expansive Mind-set: I can take reasonable precautions, knowing that I can influence but not control outcomes.

In cognitive behavioral therapy we call this defusion. Becoming aware of this difference de-fuses—creates a distance between—the part of you that is hyperreactive to threat and the rational part of you that can notice your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, and learn to override them when necessary.

Expansive Mind-set: When I set a limit or state a preference, I can be sensitive to others’ feelings without taking responsibility for them.

I am responsible for my own actions and not the actions of others, and If someone becomes upset with me, it does not mean I have done something wrong. I am not responsible for other people’s emotions.