Can we patiently and reasonably put our disappointments into words that, more or less, enable others to see our point? Or do we internalize pain, act it out symbolically or discharge it with counterproductive rage? When other people upset us, do we feel we have the right to communicate or must we slam doors and fall silent? When the desired... See more

if you focus on your anger when someone insults you, you’re likely to communicate violently by hurling an insult right back. But if you focus on the feelings and needs you have in common, you might recognize that insulting you was this person’s way of expressing their insecurity and their need for self-esteem. Keeping your attention on that common

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