Sitting at Yum thoughts

Every person has their own story, thinking about this is a very perplexing and overwhelming thought. We try to ‘be ourselves' so often and try to find ourselves but really we are all at the same time, from the same place, made up of the same things. This inspired me. Actually taking the time to sit and look around is such a blessing. Looking at everyone's individualism, is it actually them? Is it their circumstances? Is it what they are trying to perpetuate what they want others to think of them? How can we tell the difference? Does it matter?

Honestly no, I don't think it matters. What we do, our circumstances, what we think is “cool”, what we think looks good on us is the whole point. Being able to walk around comfortably in our own skin is the whole point. You can tell someone without talking to them who you are, what you want, what you’ve been through, a story. Like looking at art, the longer you look the deeper it is, the more you see.

On the opposite of that, we can use what we wear to hide. Convince someone that these pieces actually reflect what you have and don’t, what you're trying to perpetuate.

Sitting in front of me right now is a group of older women. I absolutely love seeing groups of older women when I’m out. They give me hope and make me smile.They remind me of my friends and make me look forward to when we are their age, still enjoying each other's company in all stages of life. I love seeing how they are able to express themselves through their choses in what they wear, knowing how constrictive it was for them growing up and how they were able to see the progression and freedom for girls my age. It makes me fantasize about what I want to wear when I’m their age and how much more freedom I’m going to feel I have, even more than I do now because I want people to perceive me in a specific way.

I yearn for more community, and to be connected to the places I come from. For culture to shift and young people to grow. I want to be able to feel confident in my own skin and now be consumed by how I want people to perceive me, but learn to understand who I am and how I feel confident in how that reflects on to the thighs I choose to put on my body. I yearn to really love and find the beauty around me… I do. But I can't put it into words. I struggle with what I’m trying to say. What I want to create. A push and pull between what lights me up and knowing there is something else out there. Not being able to decide but also seeing the beauty in that. Finding the beauty in the journey, find the beauty in figuring it out. Actually taking the steps to create more than I consume. Baby steps.

What really is the beauty around me? It’s everything, I see this, I know this. Sitting here trying to arrange my thoughts, I’m really finding it in me. How do I put this concept into words? Especially when I’m not really writing about anything at all, and this concept has been talked about and written about a million times over.

The Marginalian

Yearn in Review