In the 1970s, social psychologist Daryl Bem introduced ‘Self-Perception Theory’, which suggests that we shape our beliefs about ourselves by observing our own actions.

YOUR BRAIN IS PRIMED TO CONFIRM WHAT IT ALREADY BELIEVES TO BE TRUE, RATHER THAN NOTICING CUES THAT WOULD GIVE YOU AN ALTERNATIVE NARRATIVE.

Studies have found that the lower your self-esteem, the more likely you are to make upward social comparisons.3 And the more you make upward comparisons, the lower your self-esteem becomes.

According to his model, 55 per cent of communication is conveyed through body language, 38 per cent through tone of voice and only 7 per cent through the actual words spoken.

Step 1: Master Your Thoughts • Step 2: Act with Intention • Step 3: Stop Trying to Be Liked by Everybody • Step 4: Break Free from Comparison • Step 5: Celebrate Yourself • Step 6: Do Hard Things • Step 7: Be of Service to Others • Step 8: Show Up as Your Best Self

These are four truths that have become the foundation for my own shift from external to internal validation. When I began to understand and apply them, they helped me break free from the cycle of constantly seeking approval and allowed me to step into, and express, my most authentic self. 1. No one is thinking about us as much as we think they are.

the more you act in alignment with your authentic self, the more confident you feel.4

‘If people get to know you, you do know they’ll leave you, don’t you? Everyone thinks you are such a loser. You’ll never be good enough. Everyone else is better than you, why can’t you be more like them?’ This was pretty much the running commentary I lived with for most of my life.

CONFIDENCE DOESN’T SHOUT.