Commitment: A novel

Gradually, Lina had come back to the way she’d been before Sacha; life was life, roving, wavelike, with the same quantities of pleasure, discomfort, sorrow, and excitement. Peace at the end of longing. The time with him, she’d thought she was happy. But along with that jolt of victory—he chose me—she’d felt a constant anxiety: Would she be able to

One night, before she went home from the library, Lina found a room of cookbooks. She wrote down a California chef’s salad dressing recipe and made it in a jar. Her dinner tasted like a dish in a restaurant Sometimes, now, she was happy.

She’d received a small raise for her museum class. The job meant little to her, and because of her indifference, it was easy.

When Lina called Jess that day, she heard something new in her friend’s voice. Jess, she could tell, was getting better. Soon, Lina would be alone in this unexplainable place.

Walter would tell him the love of your life is the person with whom you spend your life.

“I wish I’d had even one. I guess you don’t get revelations from shopping.” She was keeping a journal to discern patterns. “It’s like anorexia. You can’t completely stop eating or using money. And what is it they say? One hundred percent is easier than ninety-five.” Donnie thought

Then he said, “I want to talk.” Standing. They both stilled. “What?” There was a clear moment, before the terror rushed in. She’d always known, if he left her, the sting would last. That was the danger of real love, she’d thought. It had the power to destroy you.

Their conversations didn’t catch, the way Lina needed hers to lock and turn.

He thought of his mom. You lived every day with someone and then you left, and even if they were failing, you lost your virginity; your lives weren’t interdependent anymore, though you’d once been everything to each other.