but most things in life are impermanent.

relationships shift, children grow, parents age. and when you’ve staked your entire selfhood on someone else, when they leave, change, or no longer need you, you’re left standing in a version of your life that no longer fits, and a version of yourself that never really existed. it feels meaningful while it’s... See more

if you already struggle with identity, if you’ve never had the space to know who you are, these messages don’t feel oppressive, they feel correct. of course you give yourself away. that’s what love means. that’s what makes you good.

life, however, has a habit of sending you the same mirror in a new face, not to punish but to give you another chance to see clearly. most people don’t just repeat their patterns, they relive them, until awareness interrupts the cycle. a lesson dressed in affection, some mirrors show you what’s still unhealed, others who you’re capable of becoming,... See more

i didn’t know how not to become the people i loved. i would absorb them the way paper absorbs ink, instantly, permanently. with no clean way to separate what’s theirs from mine . their moods would stain me. their opinions reshape me. their indifference, empty me.

you don’t wake up one day and say, today i will become less of myself . instead the self wears away like shoreline. a tide of small concessions, a slow giving up. you call it understanding, compromise. you call it love. you let things go.

the way you don’t speak your preferences. the hobbies you stop mentioning. the truths you swallow. the silence... See more

sometimes it’s hard to tell where you end and they begin. neuroscience explains this through mirror neurons , cells in the brain that activate both when we act and when we observe others acting. they help us understand emotions, mimic behavior, form attachment. they help humans to form culture. but when your sense of self is fragile, mirror neurons... See more

but most things in life are impermanent.

relationships shift, children grow, parents age. and when you’ve staked your entire selfhood on someone else, when they leave, change, or no longer need you, you’re left standing in a version of your life that no longer fits, and a version of yourself that never really existed. it feels meaningful while it’s... See more

their moods would stain me. their opinions reshape me. their indifference, empty me.

i used to think losing someone was the worst outcome, but now i think losing myself again would be worse, and i say again because it’s happened so, so often that i barely noticed the pattern. initially, it will feel like biting the hand that once fed you, like setting fire to the house you built with your own exhaustion. these are the moments you... See more