Bringing Up Bébé

“We need more of that j’adore cette baguette,”

For American mothers, guilt is an emotional tax we pay for going to work, not buying organic vegetables, or plopping our kids in front of the television so we can surf the Internet or make dinner. If we feel guilty, then it’s easier to do these things. We’re not just selfish. We’ve “paid” for our lapses.

Rousseau says the biggest parenting trap is to think that because a child can argue well, his argument deserves the same weight as your own. “The worst education is to leave him floating between his will and yours and to dispute endlessly between you and him as to which of the two will be the master.”

“Sometimes there are things in life you don’t really like, and you have to do them,”

kids get firm boundaries, but lots of freedom within those boundaries.

Martine also teaches her kids a related skill: learning to play by themselves. “The most important thing is that he learns to be happy by himself,” she says of her son, Auguste. A child who can play by himself can draw upon this skill when his mother is on the phone.

genuinely listening to my kids but not feeling that I must bend to their wills.

and bonjour in particular—are crucial.

in French there are four magic words: s’il vous plaît (please), merci (thank you), bonjour (hello), and au revoir (good-bye).