When parents are in the blue pathway, we might feel empty, disconnected from others, foggy, checked out, unable to think or act, or even immobilized. It’s a sign that you need to do something to feel connected to yourself and others soon, and that your body budget is significantly overdrawn.

When a child is in the red, with the sympathetic nervous system in full force, the middle ear muscles shift away from distinguishing the nuances of human voices, to hearing low-frequency and predatory sounds.

Most parenting approaches focus not on the whole child, but on the child’s behaviors—and how parents should respond to particular kinds of behavior. And they suggest responses to behavior that are oriented to the child’s brain: reasoning, requesting, or offering incentives, rewards, or consequences.

Though many people assume that discipline is the best way to help children behave better, co-regulation is the key to developing self-regulation, which results in better behaviors as the natural end product.

We need to wait to teach toddlers about using their brains to control themselves until they’re developmentally ready to do so. Before we teach self-regulation strategies, we need to make sure the child has the requisite groundwork and foundation of co-regulation. Otherwise, it’s frustrating for child and parent alike.

that regulation in a child’s physical body supports healthy relationships and loving interactions, in turn building the infrastructure that eventually enables the child to use reasoning, concepts, and thinking to flexibly manage life’s challenges.

neuroception.

The autonomic nervous system’s job is to automatically regulate the internal organs, such as blood vessels and sweat glands, and their functions, so that our bodies are able to maintain homeostasis.

What’s crucial isn’t understanding someone else’s guidelines but understanding how our parenting is “landing”