Arousal

a way of reversing and counteracting an internal tendency to feel omnipotent toward others.

In addition, by identifying with his father, he remained connected to him—a father whom he also loved. This is a common dynamic. We identify with hurtful parents out of love as well as fear. The psychological dynamic is: if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Couples often, in fact, unconsciously arrange to have arguments to begin with in order to create emotional distance.

Bob, who was visibly uncomfortable as we spoke, went on to tell me that he also felt uncomfortable with crude sexual language. He never described having sex with a woman as “fucking” and felt uneasy with words like “cunt” or “cock.” He felt that these words degraded women and reduced lovemaking to something animalistic.

heterosexual gender roles do not translate neatly into sexual fantasies.

A final example of the power of unconscious perception and chemistry involved a man who grew up in a strict fundamentalist home and felt ashamed of his body and sexuality. He found himself drawn to women who were somewhat exhibitionistic. He unconsciously sensed that their comfort with their own bodies, with their own sexuality, would rub off on hi

In a social atmosphere of apparent permissiveness, in which we are being constantly stimulated by images of hedonistic consumption and sexual freedom, it may seem as if guilt is no longer as central to human psychology as it once was. My clinical experience tells me that this is not so. The forms that guilt takes might change with time, but the imp

Sometimes, of course, patients might be highly motivated to change their preferred sexual fantasies because, while they may provide pleasure, they are also accompanied by pain.

The difference between pornography and erotica is controversial.