THE NATURAL DECLINE OF SEXUAL INTEREST Familiarity tends to breed sexual boredom. Notwithstanding our cultural idealization of eternal romantic intensity, most people intuitively understand that sexual intensity wanes with time, familiarity, and intimacy.

Bob’s sexual fantasies functioned perfectly to allow him to get excited. By insulating himself from the woman’s direct perception and awareness, he could feel safe enough to stare and play to his heart’s delight.

The manifest behavior that Sue prefers in the bedroom is no more a transparent expression of her “true” self than is Jan’s private daydream.

She ordinarily struggled with a great deal of sexual guilt that stemmed from a very repressive family environment. By flaunting her sexuality, risking exposure but not getting caught, she could dramatically, though temporarily, defeat her conscience.

Gender differences, though real, are not as profound as one might expect. The only relevant question is: what pathogenic beliefs do dominance and submission solve?

In her unconscious, he is alien, almost thinglike. Furthermore, the black man is often psychologically represented as primarily a sexual being, a creature with a large penis with whom the white woman can become extremely aroused.

In my experience, while patients can’t usually tell me about their pathogenic beliefs, they subliminally know they are there.

Esther’s solution, however, was even more common. Her strategy was to get other people, particularly men, to desire her.

The slaves ask for a master, seek one out, and enjoy it. The master gets to be aggressively self-serving without a pang of conscience. Guilt is overcome, and sexual pleasure is the reward.