Arousal

being penetrated by his male partner rather than being the penetrator because this position reassured him that his partner was satisfied.

Sometimes the daughter is replaced by a baby-sitter. The plots vary. Often, either the parent or child is “accidentally” discovered naked, or masturbating, or in some other lewd or lascivious state.

Manny had made a point of recounting how the “slaves” with whom he trafficked got extremely aroused by being dominated and abused. Their arousal was essential to his. In the world of sadomasochism, one usually can’t enjoy being a master unless one’s partner enjoys being a slave

Shame involves a feeling of being repulsive to others, while sexual arousal involves a sense of being connected to others. Shame evokes an image of being judged critically from the outside. Sexual excitement feels more like a powerful current in which one is swept up. We feel shame in response to someone’s contempt. We feel aroused in response to a

While boys and girls have to navigate these same emotionally treacherous waters in the course of growing up, boys have an additional burden. They have to grow up and become masculine and not feminine.

The master and slave provide each other with a special kind of attention and recognition that counteracts an internal sense of being unimportant, invisible, and without value. For the master, the slave’s devotion is evidence that he or she is important, the center of the slave’s world. For the slave, the master’s attention—even if this attention in

Rob’s considerate style of lovemaking, however, was anathema to Nicole. Her most exciting sexual fantasy was to be thrown on the bed and ravished.

The problem with solutions like Esther’s is obvious. They do not address the real problem. After all, our bodies change. They age. They get fatter, weaker, and more brittle over time. If self-esteem is derived from sex appeal, and if sex appeal is based on having a certain kind of body, then what happens when that body begins to see the ravages of

Since all of us have pathogenic beliefs of some kind, and since all sexual fantasies are attempts to correct such beliefs, we should not conclude that analyzing fantasies necessarily means that they are especially unhealthy. Sexual fantasies can and do have complicated psychological meaning without being pathological.