When a patient of mine who was sexually abused as a child grew up and became a dominatrix, telling me that she liked the feeling of power that she had over men and enjoyed the men’s humiliation, I could easily see how she was turning the tables on her abusive father and seeking refuge in power. But how can masochistic scenarios or fantasies of sexu

Robert was curious about the origin of his fantasy solution to the problem of a grim wife. He had never actually had a woman tie him up during sex and couldn’t understand how he had developed this particular fantasy.

She takes care of her problem of guilt by creating a man so strong that she can’t hurt him.

For example, we become increasingly able, as children, to differentiate between our mother’s moods and our own.

People tend to be romantically drawn, at least initially, to exactly the right person who can help them disprove certain irrational beliefs.

fantasies and preferences are significantly about safety, the details of their choreography are intended to create the conditions of psychological safety so that the person can get aroused.

Esther winced with recognition when I pointed out how much she shared her mother’s insecurity about her own body. In her unconscious mind, Esther had an image of a mother who didn’t like her body and who couldn’t enjoy herself. It was an image that haunted and, to some extent, possessed her. “But it’s my own body I hate,” she argued, “not my mother

Identification is not the only ingredient of normal long-term intimacy that affects sexual desire. The closer we are to our partners, the more they begin to wear the mantles of the primary caretakers from our past.

In the fantasy, as opposed to the enactment, of a gang rape, the woman is usually not even hurt. The rape becomes more like a consensual act between a promiscuous woman and several men.