Avoidance always has its reasons. The organism is trying to protect itself, ensure its well-being, and preserve self-esteem—but in the wrong way. Since emotions, negative and positive, express our assessment of the significance of different aspects of reality for ourselves, when we bury feelings and emotion we also bury ourselves. This is what it m

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Whether repressed or managed, avoided emotions don’t go away. They return in a pattern I call the “golden algorithm.” It goes like this:

1. Name an unwanted emotion in your life.


2. List the ways you try to avoid it.


3. Notice that every way you try to avoid it, you actually create it.

For example: I don’t want to feel like a failure —> I play it safe... See more