From there, I have a few go-to questions that I have found create reliably engaging discourse:

• What's your connection to [insert current place or event]?

• What are you most excited about currently?

• What's lighting you up outside of work?

• What’s your favorite book you’ve read recently?

Note: Always avoid "What do you do?" as a question. It's generic and generally gets you a cookie-cutter, automated response, or an uncomfortable one if the person doesn't feel proud of their work. “What are you most excited about right now?” leads to more personal, interesting replies, and increased conversation momentum. If you're socially anxious, much of your nervousness in these situations arises from a self-induced pressure to be "interesting" to other people.

If you want to build new, genuine relationships, you have to live in Level 2 and Level 3.

Be a loud listener: After you ask questions, lean in, show your focus and presence with body language, facial expressions, and sounds.

As you listen, make mental notes of a few pertinent facts about the person, their interests, or anything else that jumps out to you. These will become relevant alongside Principle 4.

Exit gracefully: I've always found, "It was so great meeting you, I look forward to seeing you again soon!" works well in any personal or professional setting. If it makes sense, you can offer to share contact information for the future.

Following the conversation, log the mental notes you made (in your phone or a notebook) and create a plan to follow up in the days ahead.

As an example, I used to talk about my favorite books with new people. If it struck me as a relationship I hoped to deepen, I would follow up by sending the person a copy of the book with a handwritten note to their office. I’ve built many great mentor relationships with that as the start.

A few ideas for thoughtful, creative follow-ups:

· Share an article or podcast that you think the person will like for a specific reason.

· Provide value in the form of a new idea related to one of their points of professional tension that was uncovered in the conversation.

· Offer to connect them with another friend given a shared interest.

Making Normal Conversations Better - by Sasha Chapin Making Normal Conversations Better