A few years ago, I started noticing invitations coming with a set of rules. Kind of boring or controlling, right? Wrong. In this multicultural, intersectional society, where more of us are gathered and raised by people and with etiquette unlike our own, where we don't share the etiquette, unspoken norms are trouble, whereas pop-up rules allow us to... See more

And finally, to create more meaningful everyday gatherings, create a temporary alternative world through the use of pop-up rules.

An expectant mother I know was dreading her baby shower. The idea of "pin the diaper on the baby" games and opening gifts felt odd and irrelevant. So she paused to ask: What is the purpose of a baby shower? What is my need at this moment? And she realized it was to address her fears of her and her husband's -- remember that guy? -- transition to... See more

The next step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings is to cause good controversy. You may have learned, as I did, never to talk about sex, politics or religion at the dinner table. It's a good rule in that it preserves harmony, or that's its intention. But it strips away a core ingredient of meaning, which is heat, burning relevance. The... See more