But I can only imagine the paralytic terror that must seize my friends with families as they lie awake calculating mortgage payments and college funds and realize that they are locked into their present lives for farther into the future than the mind’s eye can see. Judging from the unanimity with which parents preface any gripe about children with... See more

There are many aspects of life that pull us in opposing directions. We need to be pessimistic enough to prepare for bad outcomes but optimistic enough to undertake new projects. We need to see people both as enmeshed in systems that push them around and as free agents shaping their own lives. It’s vital to be skeptical and ask questions, but also

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I’ve been trying to trust the spongey structure of my mind: what it absorbs, what it doesn’t, what it can support, what it can’t. This feels much better than assuming I’m meant to interrupt the process with enforced gratitude or note-taking or other tips and tricks for optimizing parenthood. “Optimizing parenthood”—it’s good to sit with that phrase... See more